You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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