i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
