At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
