dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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