Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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