Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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