Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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