I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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