i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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