I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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