Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
