um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
