Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
