great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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