He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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