I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
