i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alive.
So much puke
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
