For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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