my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my being single is dangerous.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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