His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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