I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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