It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
