apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
