He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
