you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
