Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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