Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You're like the curious george of whores
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
