Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
