Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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