just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
