no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
