We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
