I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
