She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
