**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
