Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
they need to just BURY HIM!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
