I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
