3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
