One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
