just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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