I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
