idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
