My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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