I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
