I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
