Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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