Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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