I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
