Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
