wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
