You're completely useless in the revolution.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My vagina is officially offended.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
