so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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