go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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